You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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