I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
