Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
