dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
