Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
