Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
