God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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