Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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