I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
