she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
