The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
