I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
