Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
