i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
