u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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