I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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