shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm like, not good at living.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
