Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
