Non-Jews are for practice
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
