I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
