Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So many bounce houses so little time
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
