GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
