Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out