My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...