that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
