I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal