I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.