yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
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I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.