I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I made him laugh his dick is mine