plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders