What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
