I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
