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I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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