3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My hand turned me down
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
