I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
