So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
