Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize