Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
