one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
