I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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