It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
