you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
