so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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