saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
