We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
