Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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