Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize