We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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