hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
