glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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