Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
