I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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