that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
