is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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