So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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