I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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