I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
