I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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