I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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