Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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