i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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