when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
