Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
