So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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