my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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