i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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