Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize