haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
