"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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