The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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