he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
